Courage to
Change, June 1
A
longtime [Al-Anon] member says, “An expectation is a premeditated resentment.” I take this statement to suggest that when I
have a resentment I can look to my expectations for a probable source.
Here’s
an example: I have a brother who is less attentive to being prompt than I
am. When I make a plan with him that
involves meeting at a certain time, I am cooperating in establishing conditions
that encourage me to nurse a resentment.
On the other hand, when I make a plan with my brother that is based on
no expectations of promptness, I feel no resentment.
Today’s Reminder
I have
the right to choose my own standards of conduct, but I do not have the right or
the power to impose those standards on others.
“I
have accepted myself and I’m beginning to accept other people the way they are
each day. Now I have fewer resentments.”
–Living with Sobriety
Today's reading is a continuation of yesterday's. I am having trouble accepting that others have different standards and expectations than I do, and I am having to work very hard to be cognizant of when I am trying to impose upon others.
Premeditated resentment is an interesting phrase. I don't think the author is trying to say that we should necessarily lower our standards, but instead try to shift our attitude to be more accepting of others' standards and tendencies. Much heartbreak can be avoided if we simply choose to accept. I have tried many times to explain this to my partner, but I do not think he understands.
Today I will...
... recognize any resentment and examine what may have led to that feeling.
... work to be aware of when I am trying to control others by imposing my own standards.
... accept that others have their own standards that are equally valid to mine.
Today's reading is a continuation of yesterday's. I am having trouble accepting that others have different standards and expectations than I do, and I am having to work very hard to be cognizant of when I am trying to impose upon others.
Premeditated resentment is an interesting phrase. I don't think the author is trying to say that we should necessarily lower our standards, but instead try to shift our attitude to be more accepting of others' standards and tendencies. Much heartbreak can be avoided if we simply choose to accept. I have tried many times to explain this to my partner, but I do not think he understands.
Today I will...
... recognize any resentment and examine what may have led to that feeling.
... work to be aware of when I am trying to control others by imposing my own standards.
... accept that others have their own standards that are equally valid to mine.
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